This one's for the ladies

Two words: Jonathan. Lipnicki.

Is Jessica Simpson hot?

Seriously, I'm not sure at all. Someone tell me.

The Big Gray Writing Project--purchased haikus!

Here are the first results from the Big Gray Writing Project. I am furiously working on some thoroughly disgusting Lost slash fiction that I feel dirty posting here. Anyway, here are the haikus that have been bought so far:

Bratty Kids
by: Big Gray
for: Emerson Dameron

Wailing snot faces
Untethered, undisciplined
They have crap parents


Ian Darken
by: Big Gray
for: Julie Dyles

Athens gains a son
Flaunting pillowy chest hair
A warrior cometh


Here begins a set of 5 done for Caroline Barratt for her brother all inspired by the 5 variations of the Wet Willie:

Wet Willie (finger to ear)
Finger is spearing
Canoodling with saliva
The ear accepts her

Wet Walter (wet palm to side of face)
Palm on offensive
Moistening up my cheekbones
Like a licking dog?

Wet Wanda (finger to ear to mouth)
Ear to mouth surprise!
The bitter wax corrodes trust
With impish delight

Wet Winnie (fingers to mouth)
Two digits attack
Glistening with my enzymes
Though we have not kissed

Wet Wilbur (fingers to nostrils to mouth)
Ultimate triumph
From nostril to maw it rides
Mucus injection

Talk about positivism!

Jonah Goldberg of the National Review on Mel Gibson's anti-semitism:

I don't know whether Gibson's apparent anti-Semitism is the product of his father's influence or not. But if it is, I guess we have one more example of why fathers matter.

Um, so the fact that Mel Gibson got his anti-Semitism from his dad fits right into your conservative pro-father/family agenda? "Those Nazi kids sure were deluded and inculcated with insane ideas by their fathers, but wasn't it great how their fathers spent time with them?! Fathers really DO matter! Now that's family values!" Is this really what Jonah G. wants to be saying? Does he want to spin this embarrassing incident from a newly minted conservative icon into proof of "why fathers matter?" I think there are better examples of the power of fatherhood to use, don't you? Why not just commend the guy down the street who beats his wife because his old man did it, too?

Asinine. Absolutely asinine.

I should mention that this statement comes in the midst of a long-gestating debate between Goldberg and John Derbyshire, but I don't think it makes it any less ridiculous.

Hypocrite warning!

If you work for Rick Santorum, you probably shouldn't like Will and Grace.

Poems=$$$

So, I need money like everyone else. Student loans and all that. Remember when cyberbegging was big? Well, I want to bring it back in a big way. If a million people gave me a dollar, I sure would have a lot of money! So I'm bringing it back. BUT! I'm gonna offer something in return. For each donation I get, I will write a poem or piece of some kind on any subject that you desire. The pricing system is gonna break down like this:

• $1 donation= a haiku
• $5 donation=horrible free verse of an indeterminate length
  
• $25 donation=a short story of some kind
• $100 donation=a one-act play
• $1000+ donation=a novella or something
  

Okay, so these prices are probably ridiculous, but that's where we're at. So get donating and tell your friends. My poems make a wonderful anniversary or birthday present. Click the button below to donate!

All results will be posted online! Remember to request a subject of the work of art when making your payment.

Cindy Sheehan hangs out with autocrats and Jew haters

She was hangin' with Cynthia McKinney last night at McKinney's "victory" party. I know you can't totally judge a person on the company they keep, but c'mon...the Hugo Chavez thing alone should have been the nail in the coffin of her 15 minutes. As a refresher, he is an authoritarian dictator who has dismantled his courts and suppressed dissent--the exact thing the Left is scared that W. is doing Chavez has already done. Now she's palling around with ol' J-E-W-S herself! Man. We on the Left HAVE to find better people than Cindy Sheehan to speak for us. It's tragic that she lost a son, and that does give her some moral authority in my book, but plenty of people hate George W. Bush...she should be spreading her message alongside people who aren't as bad as their counterparts on the right. The Left has the moral high ground right now. Let's not lose it in our blind hatred of the Worst President In A Really Long Time. We are on the "right" side. Cynthia McKinney and Hugo Chavez are not.

Do you hate the American League?

You should.